Rosary Army #152: Balancing Act
Marathon training, MapMyRun.com, and Jennifer’s Problems at Home.
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Greg,
I can relate to this issue. I work at home and it is a constant distraction with our six kids (we also homeschool).
Thanks for being so open with your lives.
God bless.
Jennifer, remember that their are seasons to our lives. You are in the Spring time of your life with your young children. I’m moving toward the Fall with my boys being in high school and one going on to college. It will get better! I appreciated that Greg let you talk and that you can put to words what you are feeling. Hang in there! Barb
@Jennifer you did an excellent job of explaining your emotional journey.
@Greg you did an excellent job of listening.
@Negative feedback-it isn’t always bad(no pun intended).
Sometimes it wakes us up to things about which we hadn’t a clue. I’m not that great at doing it nicely, but some people are
I think.
Wow, very powerful episode. I give you both a lot of credit for having the courage and strength to post such personal episodes. Although I am not working at home, I understand how both Greg and Jennifer feel. My wife is home all day with the 3 kids, and my work takes up a lot of home time. Often guilt keeps me up at night b/c I feel like I should do more at home, but work needs to get done or there will be no home. Thanks for showing us that we are not alone in our struggles. The hard work that you both put in is appreciated.
Things change over time, and our roles change, too. It took a lot of courage to say those things, because of course, it makes both of you vulnerable. At the same time, it was wonderful for those folks who find themselves having those feelings, and feeling alone. Hearing your story maybe didn’t alleviate your problem, or fix someone else’s, but there’s certainly something to be said for sharing the experience. At least we are not alone.
Chin up! And bear with it. This too shall pass. In the meantime, know that you are doing good work, the Lord’s work, and maybe that’s what you need to hear to sustain you. When I am down like that, and I have been there and will be there again–remember the simplest and most powerful prayer of all: Thy will be done.
I really respect your [you = both of you] struggles to meet the needs of your family and to further the apostolates of SQPN and Rosary Army.
I don’t know if you read or listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger, but she says the only way a mother can truly WORK at home is when they are at school or asleep. Otherwise it’s just too hard.
Providing that love and support for Greg IS BEING Rosary Army. It IS.
Maybe I should put more of this into a private email. I just want to say, I don’t think Greg is a jerk. I don’t think Jennifer is NOT part of the apostolate.
I will continue to keep praying for you all.
Boy do I remember those feelings!!! We also have four children, the last three in 4 years. That complete loss of your personal identity, that your just so and so’s wife or mother can really be an emotional drain not to mention the sheer volume of work to care for everyone. But take heart your commitment will be rewarded and your time will come. Thank you both for having the courage to be so open.
As for your training, keep it up!!! You’ll feel better and your family will reap the benefits.
Continued prays for everyone.
(((((Jennifer)))))
I was listening to your podcast as I was picking up my 5yr old daughter from a day care field trip. A fire extinguisher went off in the field trip bus and I had to take her to the ER (along with the other parents and their kids)–everyone is fine.
I work full time and go to grad school part time. My final was on Tuesday and I was catching up on some sorely needed housework when I got the call. Listening to your podcast I knew entirely how you felt. Being a mom is the hardest, yet greatest job there is.
Although I am the primary source of income & employment in our house, I still naturally keep the wife and mom roles. Even though my husband is helpful, he isn’t going to change who I am. The housework may never get done.
Our mom roles may be different, but, girlfriend, we have all been there. I’m glad you were able to work your running time in, if for not only the physical exercise but for the mental break.
Guys, remember us on Mother’s Day!
Bridget
thank you everyone for your comments to our show. It brings me great comfort to know that it “hit home” for many of you and that we can in some small way share in each other’s challenges. thank you again for letting me know that you are out there going through similar feelings. God bless you all.
As I listened I found myself wondering if, as a consequence of your wonderful, exuberant, enthusiastic personalities…maybe you’ve taken what should have been a stress reliever and turned it into a stress producer. I mean the running. Great for getting in shape, for getting outside, etc…but now it is yet another thing to plan, to do “right” or “wrong,” to maybe “fail” at if you don’t “make it to a marathon.” And deadlines, yet! As if you needed more of those! I think you can appreciate Dr. Paul’s hobby without having to do it to his level. I don’t know, but I was hearing two people who just need to go out and run, or walk, or stroll…for FUN! God bless you both.
Boy, can I relate to this episode or what!! I feel your pain, both of you! It’s not an easy thing to make so many sacrifices in life, and I find myself resisting all the time!
Maybe renting an office away from home would work best for you. That way, Greg, you can feel more in “work” mode when you have to, and perhaps Jennifer, you can allot some time to go there yourself to get some work time in.
It’s not easy, but this is what God wants you to work out. If everything were easy, probably many things would never happen.
Good luck and thanks for letting my husband and I know that we’re not alone in how we feel sometimes!
I think you and Greg are the model of a great relationship. From your podcasts, it is obvious you 2 have understanding of each other’s needs with total love and respect.
Greg a jerk?! FAR from it! Jennifer not part of Rosary Army?! You gotta be kidding me!
All my married friends keep saying how they can’t find the time to exercise. BAH! I think I’ll point them to your podcast the next time I hear them complain.
I can totally support, what TJ said: Running is supposed to be a specific form of wellness activity. Molst of all it is all about mental and physical relaxation as well as simply joy.
So just take it easy and see it as a gift and not another ToDo on your endless list.
Tom and TJ, you might be missing the point about the running. We’re not doing it as something we have to or need to do. It is indeed something we want to do. But if we don’t figure out how to work into our schedule, it’ll never happen. Therefore the running, just like any leisurely activity in our busy lives, has to be scheduled to make sure it gets accomplished.
Jennifer, Honey - We have all been there in the dark abyss of Motherhood, and have clawed our way out into the sunshine again.
Life as a mother of small children is hard, constant work. There is no down time, no relief, no break. It’s a good day if you get to use the bathroom by yourself and manage to get your hair combed in the morning.
You cannot shove your babies aside to pursue your own hobbies, to indulge your own whims, or even to pursue a career. It IS the time in your life to put youself aside and focus exclusively on the needs of others.
You are so right in your decision to put your own desires for success and recognition aside - that is the decision that I made many, many years ago when my four children were very young. I was a stay at home Mom for more than a decade, raising my babies AND working from home part time as an engineering consultant. It was hard scheduling my work, and I only took on commissions that I could do while my children were either asleep or at school. I never worked when they were at home, and I never expected my husband to quit his job and come home to help me. These were the children of our hearts, conceived in love, and they deserved all of my attention, strength and love. It was very hard for me to always put “my” work and “my” wants second to the needs of my family. I was often resentful and always tired, but I honestly believe that we are all better because I put myself aside, because I put then needs of my husband and children first.
As a mother, you are called to be submissive to your husband and to your children, and in turn, submissive to the needs of the apostolate! By being The Mom, by being a helpmate to Greg and allowing him to do the work he is called to do, you ARE a part of Rosary Army.
Don’t give up hope for your own dreams. There will be a time when the children go off to school, and a whole new world will open up for you “between the bells”. It will only get easier for you as the boys grow up and become more self sufficient. Start teaching them now how to clean up after themselves, how to cook, how to fold their own laundry. Don’t try to do it ALL yourself!
My children are all teens now, are healthy, well adjusted, good students, blah, blah, blah. We lived through their childhood, not just surrviving, but thriving, because I chose to be second place. I have gone back to work full time now, because college is looming on the horizon, and with four kids spaced close together, there will may be two years in where we have three kids in college at the same time. Much Cash will be needed!
Now…all of that said…if you are really just so stressed because you don’t have time for you, if you simply do not have the strength necessary to live a life of service to your family, then consider hiring a nanny to come in and help with your children during the day so that both you and Greg can work. Then, both of you stick to a standard work day of 8-5, and spend your off time 100% with your boys.
Angela P.
P.S.
Greg - You’re not a jerk.
Okay…I think I sounded a bit harsh in the previous post. Jennifer, there is nothing WRONG with having a nanny to come in and help! It does NOT mean you are a bad Mother, it does not mean you have failed in any way! It is simply another way to get done every day what needs to be done. The important thing is that everyone is nurtured, fed, clothed, and bathed at the end of the day. This includes YOU, too. If some daytime help is needed, then go find it. Check out your local colleges for education and teaching students. Even help for two days a week will provide you with some much needed relief.
Angela
Working at home is tough. Very tough. And at times, quite lonely ’cause not many people do it. And then there’s the “gosh, how special, you get to be at home all the time, how wonderful for you and your family!” Yeah. Not so wonderful all the time. Why? Because *all* your duties pull at you *all* the time.
My biggest struggle was letting go of my “do it well or not at all” attitude (which I got from my father). Sometimes, just getting it “done” is enough.
Jennifer, you *will* survive through this by God’s grace.
Thanks for sharing (and letting me share)!